Happily Ever After
by cyke93
Summary: Brooke reflects on Nathan, Haley and their current situation. A look into the past and present via Brooke's ramblings.  Set right before their scene in episode 8x02. Naley among others, Happy 7th bday OTH! Updated, chapter 2-3 with Nathans & Haleys POV!
1. Chapter 1

Happily Ever After

Summary: Brooke reflects on Nathan, Haley and their current situation. A look into the past and present via Brooke's ramblings. Set right before their scene in episode 8x02.

First, Happy 7th Birthday One Tree Hill ! 7 years ago tonight, OTH aired for the first time and how ironic that it was on sept "23." In honor of this special day, I had to write this quick one shot. I've sort of been on a OTH high, especially since I came from Wilmington early this week. Anyways, this story is something different that I never done before, writing in first person other than that person being Haley or Nathan. This takes place while Nathan, Haley and Brooke wait in the cafeteria. As much as this is a Naley story, there's more to this story than just that. It's sort of all over the place, talking about this and that, well you'll know what I'm talking about. I hope I don't confuse anyone while reading this but again this takes place in the cafeteria at the hospital and this is a peek inside Brooke's mind. Hope you enjoy and please review! Please also check out my other story "The Search For Something More."

Enjoy and please review!

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_You get the sense that they are all going to live happily ever after._

I remember saying that to Julian not too long ago and I look at Nathan and Haley in front of me and those words certainly ring true but not today. Definitely, not today. Happily ever after, yeah right? Your sister shot, your friend shot, it's all so crazy and surreal. Being here in this hospital cafeteria with their sticky seats and bitter coffee is surreal. Being here with Nathan and Haley, this is all surreal. I try to think of the last time the three of us were together and I draw a blank. Sure, we just came back from Utah but it's not like we spent much time together, well at least the three of us. It was a group trip and while I had a blast.. and getting engaged was certainly a key factor in that, I realized how long it's been since we were last together, alone just the three of us. As horrible as the situation is, I am quite enjoying spending time with two of my oldest friends and I wonder exactly when was the last time the three of us shared the same space.

Unfortunately, that horrible coffee has my mind lagging and the only memory I'm drawing up right now is after Keith got shot and I found those two playing cards at the tutor center. Those two are such dorks. A party was going on outside and these two snuck away to play cards. But I guess that's what love does to you. Well I guess that's what loves does to Nathan Scott. Playing goldfish or whatever they were doing was definitely Haley's cup of tea. But then again, they could've been playing strip poker then it would've definitely been Nathan's idea. Anyway, I remember giving the key to the apartment, their apartment. How far those two have come.

My God, when I look back on these two and when I look back at my whole role in this, and the word "opps" comes to mind. I totally felt like ass for screwing Haley at Nathan's parents house, saying I passed that little love note around. I expected anger, hatred from Nathan but all I got was a cold stare and disappointment. I can take mad or yelling but it definitely hit me hard to see that I had truly wounded someone. Nathan Scott was a man of steel but in that moment, I saw him hurt and I knew, just knew that there was something there between Nathan Scott and Haley James.

Setting them up on that scavenger hunt date was such a blast. I had to admit that it was one of my best piece of meddling. Too bad, hot shot here had to screw it up but from what I heard from Haley, the next morning certainly made up for it, so score for me. I remember Lucas not being so happy with that. Actually from what I remember I had to lock my lips with him a night or two just so he can get his mind off his best friend and brother. Kind of creepy if you ask me but I guess that was one of the qualities that drew me to Lucas, his sense of loyalty to Haley. I remember one drunken night that Nathan admitted the same thing to me, that as much as he hated Lucas back then he admired Haley's loyalty to Lucas.

I can tell Haley misses Lucas, I caught a glimpse of that notebook Haley had been carrying around with her and the first thing that came to my mind was nerd, but I laugh, that is so Lucas and Haley. I might be engaged to Julian but seriously Lucas is hot, I don't understand how those two remained just friends after all this time, well at least before Nathan came along. I had to admit that Nathan is looking good right now with his rolled up sleeves and his hair combed back, dark and sleek, I wonder what shampoo he uses. Come to think of it, did Haley's hair change color?

I shake my head and laugh to myself, I'm turning into a geek like Haley and Lucas. And I admit that I miss Lucas too. When I saw the photos Haley put in her little collage, my heart did melt a little bit. He was my first love, is my first love. I wondered before that if I didn't push him away during our senior year if things would've been different. Then I remember he kissed Peyton during the school shooting and I'm reminded why. Peyton. I love the girl too death but man did she piss me off. But that's love for you. You can't help who you fall in love with, you just do and unfortunately for me and Peyton, we fell in love with the same guy. And he fell for us, both of us.

I'm not going to lie, when I saw Lucas in New York a few years ago and we pretended to be engaged, I let myself pretend that it was real at least for a moment. That night, I could picture spending my life with Lucas and after I moved back to Tree Hill and Lucas helped me out with Angie… those nights where Lucas fell asleep with me while trying to put Angie to bed, I can picture us doing that with our own daughter, son. He was such a sweet heart then and it reminded me of why I fell so hard for him in the first place. I can play the what if games, what if the school shooting never happened, what if Nikki hadn't come along and forced Jake to move away so that Jake and Peyton would've had their chance to be together, like really be together instead of being torn apart that by the time those two saw each other again it was too late.

Peyton's heart was with Lucas.

Lucas will always have a place in my heart and I know in his but it wasn't enough. You can't help who you fall in love with and I can't help that he and Peyton are in love. I couldn't keep being mad at Peyton. Peyton deserves love like anyone else. We had gone through so much together. When her mom died, my heart broke for her. I remember the first time Peyton smiled after her mom died. I made some comment about her mom not being Victoria. It did the trick. Our friendship has stood the hardest tests and trials, though it all, we learned to get pass all the bs we put ourselves trough. When I say I am happy for her, I mean it with all my heart, even though I am still mad at her for leaving Tree Hill. Seriously woman, a visit from New Zealand wouldn't kill you. Still, with those two I had gone through so that I couldn't help but think back at their wedding. But you grow up, you realize that some thing's were not meant to be, that some how things will work out somehow. In my case it's ironic how that turned out. I fell for Peyton's ex-boyfriend, oh the irony.

I love Julian and he loves me. It's amazing how quickly you can fall in love and that was definitely the case with Julian. He's smart and quirky in his own way. He makes me laugh, smile, makes me safe in this unsafe world. You live and learn and you love and I'm blessed to find love. Looking at the epic couple that is Naley, why bother calling them by their real names, I wondered if I'll ever get the love they had. Even being engaged to Julian, I can still say no. I don't think anyone can have a love like theirs. When I was feeling down or depressed or lonely, I'd think of them and say, at least they made it. I think I said it best at their wedding, well their second wedding. They give me hope. They do. I look at them and I see a world better because there are at least two people in this world that love each other so much, it can make the rest of the crap out there seem trivial. I look at them and realize that if I'm ever going to find that happiness that I better get off my high horse and get on a plane to LA and tell Julian that I love him. I did that and well look at this giant rock on my finger. After staring at my bling, I look back in front of me and I'm looking back at Nathan again.

I'm back to wondering what shampoo and conditioner Nathan is using cuz I'm thinking of dying my hair black again. Then I find myself thinking how different Nathan and Lucas are because his hair is dark while Lucas is blond. And Jamie is blond. Oh god, this silence. What is it doing to me? And speaking of brother, it's not hard to see why Nathan is so sad. Clay had become a second brother to him, a second protector to his precious family. Like Haley, I know Nathan misses his brother. I can tell because the last time Nathan looked this somber was when Lucas left town. Luke may have not liked it when he and Haley started dating but he quickly turned into their biggest fan and supporter. He reached out to Nathan the beginning of senior year when he and Haley were on the rocks. Despite getting turned down by him over and over again, he stood by him and he never looked back. Lucas stood by him through college and helped Nathan and Haley raise Jamie and basketball.

One thing I never thought would happen would be Nathan and Haley living the rest of their lives together. The second thing I would've never believed was Lucas and Nathan actually getting along and being brothers. Luke was Nathan's best man and Nathan was best man at Lucas wedding.. both weddings. I know Haley and Lucas are close but I remember Haley bitching to me how Nathan and Lucas spent all their time yelling at each other in the living room while they played NBA live. As annoyed as Haley sounded, I knew deep down she secretly loved it. She once told me that she knew that if they just to know each other then they would find something amazing in each other. That's what siblings are for and seeing Nathan and Lucas and now seeing Haley distraught over Quinn. I know that now. In fact, I remember Lucas going crazy trying to find the right agent for Nathan. Lucas had his own family to think about but that didn't mean he wanted to leave his first family behind. At least Luke got it right by getting Clay.

I take a glance at Haley and then back to Nathan who looks like the weight of the world is on him. He also looks much older today, not like he's an old man, definitely not an old man. I've seen him with out his shirt and it's not hard to see why Haley never had her eye's on anyone else but him. Sure there was a bump with Chris Keller, but I'm not going to fault Haley for that. His stupid singing had me taking my panties off while she only allowed him a small kiss. Nathan was such a wreck back then, back when Chris Keller nearly broke them apart. Actually, he was a hot mess before Haley. She changed him in all the good ways one can change a man. But he is still Nathan Scott of course and he's had his ups and downs over the years and with his career but he always had Haley. Even when his back was broken, she stood by him. I don't know if I would have had the strength to do that but that's Haley for you. I guess Lucas helped too and the three of them, well four if you count Jamie showed me what a true family is. It's one of the reasons that after I moved back to Tree Hill that I wanted to adopt myself. I guess I owe that to the Scotts, score for them.

I always thought to myself how lucky those Nathan and Haley were to have each other but if I was really honest with myself it would be that Nathan was lucky to have Haley. I found that out first hand with me and her moved in together. I never would've imagined rooming up with Haley James but we did. I saw her so down, so depressed that I had to hold my self back from kicking Nathan's ass. Sure she made a mistake but it didn't mean that she didn't love him. And the poor girl was trying so hard, I'm so glad Nathan finally gave in. I was with her when she freaked out about her pregnancy, getting run over by Daunte, the whole point shaving scandal and all the years of raising Jamie in school while Nathan went to away games only for Nathan to get thrown out of a glass window and it was Haley keeping everything together. Nathan was definitely a lucky man.

Then something happened, something horrible happened. Haley lost her mom and it was quite shocking to see the Haley I've come to know and love go down such a dark road. I tried my best but it was Nathan that got through to her. Nathan was the one to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. He comforted her, took care of her and held her in his arms as if she was the most precious thing in the world. And then I realize it, that everything Nathan does is for his family. Basketball maybe his first love but spend time with him and his family and you'll quickly see that basketball is a distant second. He's done his best to provide for them, probably feeling guilty over the stumbles he's made along the way. Stupid Nanny Carrie comes to mind but when I step back and look at Nathan, there's this one underlying truth. Nathan loves Haley. Period. Wait he also loves Jamie. Shit, Jamie.

Oh God, I hope Julian is okay, that boy maybe seven but he's smarter than all of us, definitely gets that from his mom and he's sneaky, just like this dad. Still the little booger us a doll and I am so proud to be his godmother. Yes me godmother and don't forget I'm also Sawyer's god mother so yeah I'm totally awesome. If I can't have kids, I'll always have these rugrats and don't you worry. Once we get this wedding thing sorted out, I can focus in on how me and Julian can get our own little family. It still amazes me how Nathan and Haley were able to do it at 18.

Shoot, the boy asked her to marry her at 16 years old for crying out loud. This boy, the biggest playboy in the world, who treated girls, including Peyton like crap was asking Haley to spend the rest of her life with him. He went to Mr. and Mrs. James, he's the one who put everything he had into his marriage, which is why I can understand why he felt so bitter when she left, why he's here right now trying to comfort her while Quinn is lying in her hospital room, while his Clay is also near death's door but I know he's not trying to show it because he wants to be there for his wife and Jamie.

His pregnant wife and while I am totally jealous, I am so happy for them. They don't deserve this, they don't deserve any of it. They've come through so much, getting married early, Dan, Daunte, that stupid bitch Carrie, the other bitch Renee, cancer and now this.

_"…they give me hope. I'm afraid to say it out loud because maybe if life found out, it would try to beat it out of them and that would be a shame..."_

That's what I also said at their wedding, the second one just to be clear. I'm wondering if I may have jinxed them, that by saying that speech I may have let the world in on their little secret and life has been trying to get at Naley all this time. But there's something that mother nature does not know or maybe she does know and doesn't want to give up, which is that these will have their happy ending, these two love each other, will continue to love each other.

Always.

Forever.

And there's something that Nathan and Haley don't know. I got arrested today but that seems so small in comparison to what they're going through now with the shootings and the pregnancy. Wait, how come I didn't tell them about Clothes over bro's and wait up, did I even congratulate them on the baby? Oh crap, how long have I've been resting my chin on this cup.

"So.." I begin to speak and Nathan and Haley look at me as I lift my head up.

"I got arrested today."

The End.

I didn't mean to add so much Lucas but with the 7th anniversary of OTH first showing, I wanted to discuss all the big relationships on the show. And Lucas played a big role, esp with Naley. I obviously couldn't talk about everyone but I tried to keep the focus on the main 5 characters. Anyways, hoped you enjoyed and please review !


	2. This Sucks

This Sucks

Summary: Companion piece to Happily Ever After, this time from Nathan's POV.

I was going to write the next chapter of The Search for Something More but I just wasn't feeling it. There's too much for me to think in that story and I'm really busy with work at the moment that I feel that the next update might come next week at the earliest. But inspiration has not left me entirely. I had such a blast writing Happily Ever After and then hearing back some of the feedback that I got inspired to do another one but this time with Nathan's POV. Like I said before, Happily Ever After was something very different than what I usually do. Brooke's bubbly personality in that scene helped with the ramblings of the story and the random switch of thoughts that was through out the story. Like the last story, this one is keeping in my OTH 7 year anniversary since it premiered and so I try to include as much background as possible. This one has a little bit more of an edge and a darker tone than the last story, obviously since Nathan is narrating and Nathan had a little bit of a scowl on his face (also looked a little mean, which i loved) when he said "What" to brooke. I love writing Nathan and I always love writing him as a little bit of a jerk with a big heart. Like last time, there's a lot of mention of Lucas in here but like I said, it's not on purpose but he is Nathan's brother. Also, I was all for the bromance last episode but I would've love to see that sort of love and devotion directed to Lucas. Clay may have done a lot of things for Nathan but really, what did he do? It was his job and Nate was already in the NBA when he met Clay. Anyways, there's a part in this story that sort of goes through Nate's thought process as to why he did that with Clay, which I hope you guys will enjoy. Like I said, this one is a little darker, a little bit more sarcastic.

Anyways, hope you enjoy and please review!

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This sucks.

No, this really sucks.

Right now, I'm supposed to be running until I can't breath, doing suicides until I feel like collapsing and pretty much question why I wanted to be a NBA player in the first place. Instead, I'm here in the hospital, with my wife, with Brooke, all cuz Quinn and Clay got shot.

This fucking sucks.

A beep from my phone alerts me that I got a text. I look down and see that it's from Lucas, asking how are Clay and Quinn. No doubt he heard what had happened and if he really wanted to know, maybe he should get his ass back to Tree Hill and find out. No they are not okay, I reply back and I'm frustrated beyond belief.

How the hell did this happen? How did I get here? And if I look back at the person to blame, of course it comes back to him. To Lucas. This is all Lucas' fault. It's his fault that he joined the Ravens. It's his fault that I tried to use his best friend to blackmail him. It's his fault that I had to fall completely and insanely in love with Haley. Oh God, I just used one of Clay's lines, kill me now. See Luke, look what you did to me. Are you happy?

Are you happy that you never gave up on me and Haley when I felt like giving up? Are you happy that you kept meddling every chance you got or helping me with Daunte or helping me at Gilmore and helping take care of Jamie. Are you happy that you changed me Luke? Cuz this is all your fault right now.

I look at Brooke across from me and you're to blame for her as well. I remember when me and Brooke used to rule the school and never gave a crap about anyone else but ourselves. But no your dumbass had to get Brooke to fall for you and now look at her. She's all changed and stuff and she had her heart broken because of you and now she's come out stronger and better than she ever was before. See Luke, you're like a plague. You take assholes like me and Brooke and change us for the better so that we are here right now, caring for two people neither of us should be caring about. All because of you.

Fuck Lucas, why are you not here? Why the hell did you and Peyton have to go. I swear I thought giving you my sloppy seconds would make us even but no. What the hell Luke? You've been a constant pain on my side ever since you joined the Ravens and now you just leave me. And no hiring Clay to be my agent doesn't count. I need you here with me because you're supposed to be my brother, you're supposed to be the older one. And fuck the whole three months older crap I always give you, you're supposed to take care of me like how you've always done. Because right now for the past couple of months, it's been me that's been trying to hold it together. It's been me trying to assure Haley that this Renee bitch is a lying whore. It was on me to get Haley through her fucking crazy ass sisters and her mom dying. Me, Luke. ME!

Correct me if I'm wrong but you're supposed to be her best friend. She's been writing her damn notebook all day for you. You're supposed to be my best friend because right now my other best friend is dying and I need someone to lean on and I sure as hell can't go to Haley for that right now cuz she's been through enough and I sure as hell won't go to Brooke. Dear God no. And you Luke, you took the only other person I can turn to. That's right, Peyton. You remember her right? Sure I treated her like crap and everyone always assumes I was always the ass to her but Peyton was no saint either. She was a complete bitch too but don't get me wrong, once we broke up, we were much better. Shit, I even apologized to her, you can thank Haley for that. She was the only other person other than Haley or you who knew the shit I went through with my family and it was her that I admitted my fears about being a dad for the first time and when I was being a complete dick to my family when I was in the wheel chair, it was her that left me in the ICU unit in the pediatric department. Next to you and Haley, she was the only one that called me out on my BS. She believed I was going to be a good dad and she even once called me a martyr. I could use some of her strength right now. Shoot, I can use any sort of strength right now cuz I feel like I'm running out.

I sigh and look down. I look at the corner of my eye and see Brooke is looking at me weird. She's either checking me out or I might have something on my mouth or hair. I wipe my mouth and brush my hand across my hair just to make sure. I think she notices me that I notice her and she looks away. I've never quite figured out the inner workings of Brooke Davis but it's okay. I'm not that interested anyway. I look to my left and Haley is looking at me funny and she knows I'm in one of my moods. I try to give her a reassuring smile because the last thing I need is for her to be worrying about me. Thank God Julian took Jamie for the day because I sure as hell can't take care of him right now. Finally, Julian is good for something instead of getting a free trip to Utah. Shit, I can't even take care of my own family right now. How fucking pathetic am I?

Life was so much easier back then. Back when I didn't know Haley existed and when Lucas hated me and I hated him. Back when Keith was still alive and my mom was sober. Back when I didn't have to worry about anyone else but myself. Back when my biggest problem was pleasing Dan. I had nothing to lose. Now I have everything to lose. And here's the thing, I can't lose it. No I can't cuz I won't be able to survive it. If Haley goes down that dark road again, I don't know if I can bring her back. And I swear to God Lucas, I will get you back to Tree Hill so fast, I don't care if Peyton throws a fit. You're supposed to take care of me remember? Or did you forget those four years of college when it was just you, me, Haley and Jamie chasing a dream.

Funny where dreams go. Shit, look at Brooke. She got everything now. Her company's successful, she famous. She found love and she even reconciled with her mom. Goddamit, I'm jealous of Brooke and her damn perfect life. How the hell did that happen? But no Brooke isn't prefect. She can't have kids or maybe Julian is shooting blanks. Cuz last time I checked, big bro gave her two scares in high school. So I take a step back, maybe Brooke's life isn't perfect. I sure as hell didn't expect to be a dad at 18 but I couldn't imagine life with out Jamie. The thought that I would never have children, shit that just doesn't register with me.

I want to give Jamie everything I never had growing up and now with Haley pregnant, I wanted to give him a brother or sister too. But that won't happen if Haley's always stressed and worrying if someone else from her family is going to die, so Quinn, if you're mooching ass can hear this, you better not die on us. For some reason Haley and Jamie think fondly of you and I won't let them see another person they love leave.

But then again, I can't do anything. Once again, big bad Nathan Scott is just helpless. Completely helpless and useless that all I am able to do is drink this stale ass coffee and sit here in this cafeteria. It's like when Keith got shot. I only begun to get to know Keith before he was taken away from me. I never told him that I appreciate everything he tried to do for me. I never thanked him. I never said I loved him. So when I saw Clay lying there, I needed to hell him because I won't go through that again.

At least when Q died, I told him that I was grateful, that he kept pushing me to keep playing. I need some of that push right now. I need something to keep me going. I look to my ultimate source of inspiration, Haley. My absolutely stunning wife who looks somber, who's sad once again. She rubs her belly and I remember that there's a part of me growing in her, a part of us. Maybe this is all some sort of weird karma thing. For new life to begin, a life must be taken away. Shit does that mean I'm going to have twins? Shit, I can't think like that. Quinn and Clay are still here and I need them to fight. I need to fight.

Luke, I guess you're not coming back and maybe that's the point. Maybe you leaving finally forced me to grow up, well to really grow up and not depend on you so much. It was my time to step it up for my family, for what I put them through, for what they've done for me.

For some god damn reason Haley choose to spend her life with me. At fucking 16 years old, she said yes. Her parents said yes. I said yes. I never thought I would do something like that but Haley was something else. If I must be completely honest, the truth is that I asked her to marry me because I was selfish. I wanted her and it wasn't enough that my jersey number is tattooed to the back of her ass, well above her ass. No I needed her to spend my life with me, for her to give herself completely over to me because my ass had already done that and there wasn't even a ring on my finger.

There was the threat that she didn't want to be with me, that for some reason I needed to have sex in order to be with Haley. That was further from the truth and I remember almost catching pneumonia standing outside her house in the rain to tell her that and that's when I asked her to marry me. I can't live with out Haley. At 16, I already knew it. When I broke my back a few years ago, I pushed Haley away because I felt like I didn't deserve her. I mean, I always knew that I would never be good for her. I remember telling her that last night when I said that she's way out of my league. But when I broke my back and became crippled, that's when I felt I didn't deserve Haley. She sacrificed so much and for what, for me to get thrown out of a window. Yet, she stuck by me. Even through that mess with Carrie, that other bitch, she stuck by me. Granted I pushed her to her limits and she used the D word on me but we got through it. Through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, she stood by me. For that I will truly be grateful to her and for giving me a son and now another one on the way, for giving me a brother, for giving a sense of family.. for me giving me MY FAMILY. For everything, I owe to Haley.

So in this stupid cafeteria, I will sit with her, wait with her. And I pray to God that somehow I can get through this and that I can get Haley through this, that I get Jamie through this. When that bitch Carrie chased my wife and son around some corn field like the psycho bitch she was, I wasn't there for them. When they needed me the most, I was away cuz of basketball. I wouldn't let that happen again and I don't care if Charlotte keeps calling my cell, I'm not picking up. My world is once again threatened and there's no way in hell I'm leaving my family. No sir.

The silence is deafening and all I hear around me are people's chatter and the occasional page on the intercom. Brooke finally clears her throat and starts to speak.

"So I got arrested today?" Brooke announces.

"What?" I ask and Haley asks why.

Brooke starts going off about something her mom and Millicent lying to people.

"Lied to who?" This time I mean it and I'm actually curious as to what Brooke has to say. Shoot, she seems to be having problems and so long as they don't involve people getting shot, I'm totally game for the distraction.

Her and Haley talk back and forth and apparently this is some serious shit. When I said that her life wasn't perfect, I wasn't kidding.

"Because, it's not life or death." Brooke speaks and yeah she's right about that.

"And because I haven't even really congratulated you on your pregnancy and I am so happy for you guys."

I smile despite myself. Brooke actually put a smile on my face, wow the wonder. But then again, she was talking congratulating me on my unborn child, of course that brings a smile to my face and it brings a smile to Haley's and holy shit, thank you Brooke. And the fact that I know Brooke can't have kids yet she's congratulating us, well I'll bow down Brooke Davis, you've earned some respect from me. Maybe it was a good idea that Haley made you Jamie's god mother.

"But I had a thought, if you really like the new baby, can I have Jamie?" Brooke asks.

Again, I smile despite myself and if I'm going to have the second string here, at least Brooke is keeping me entertained.

"Yeah, you can have him but you have to have the sex talk with him." I smile. Shoot, you're his godmother, do something besides write him big checks for his birthday. We're already rich so it's not like we need the money but the sex talk, you can definitely take that. If not you, I'm making his god father aka my missing in action brother take care of it.

"Already? It's like yesterday he was .."

"Going on Treasure Hunts with Quinn." Haley laments.

And crap my heart breaks for her again. Once again, I'm reminded of where we are and why we are here. The three of us are here in this hospital cafeteria with stale coffee and nothing but the sounds of chatter and the clock ticking away.

If I haven't said it already, this sucks.

This really sucks.

The End.


	3. Numb

Chapter 3: Numb

Summary: Haley's reflection based off episode 8x02.

I know that we've already passed episode 8x04 but I still wanted to do a one shot of Haley. Writing Brooke and Nathan was kind of fun. Brooke was a little everywhere, bouncing off the wall going through different thoughts while Nathan was a little more sarcastic. I know I wrote Nathan a little harsh but that's how I like to see him, that underneath that cool exteriour he has going on, he's stil lthe Nathan we know and love from season 1. I wrote him more saracastic but it's really all out of love. This one will be a little bit more reflective and mellow and i think also the longest. The pages just kept going and going. I try to infuse my own version of Haley's humor and thoughts in this one. I wrote this last night and finished it up now and I apolgize for any grammar mistakes and stuff. I know Peyton and especially Lucas have been mentioned a lot in this little series but this is a reflection on the past 7 going on 8 seasons as a way to commemorate 7 years of OTH. How can I not mention them, esp with how Lucas was with Nathan and Haley. Like I said I wrote this last night and come today right before I publish this I find out that I am going to have another niece or nephew in a few months, then I find out that holy crap, Chad and Hilarie might come back. Praise the TV Gods, today is a good day and I knew I just had to share this story tonight.

So I hope you enjoy and please review. I hope you enjoyed this little series.

PS I am nearing the completion of the next chapter of TSM but the next two chapters are critical and I might finish up the next chapter as well as the next one before posting. We'll see. Hopefully I can upload by the weekend.

* * *

I should feel something, anything. That's what I keep telling myself but I fear that if I let myself go there, to relive the moment I walked inside Clay's house and found him and my sister, lying there so lifeless. I think that might do it for me and I can't and I won't go down that road again.

I can't believe anyone can be so cold as to do that to two people. The police said there were no signs of a break in. Nothing appeared to be stolen. No, it wasn't that. Some one targeted them, someone wanted them dead. What has happened to this place? This was a place where children played out in the streets and people didn't lock their doors. When did the world get so crazy?

They weren't shot in cold blood like how Q was. Q was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and paid with his life. I don't know what's worse, the fact that a random act of violence can end a life or that someone is willing to go out there and end not one but two lives. When did Tree Hill get run over by thugs? It makes me question the police system around here. They have the audacity to arrest me, twice mind you, and yet it wasn't them that found Q's killer. They completely botched Keith's death but then again that wasn't all their fault. It was Dan's fault for covering up and how he ended up with only a 2nd degree murder charge is beyond me. Now that's scary too, the fact that someone I know, the father of my husband and best friend, my boy's grandfather would be capable of taking a life and not just any life but his own brother. I couldn't imagine how one can have such darkness in their hearts .. well until it happened to me.

No, I didn't want to kill someone but I nearly killed myself, well I wasn't out to do that but Nathan certainly thought I was going to. He damned near panic when he got me from the pool. He drained that thing so fast and it took a whole lot of convincing from my part to let him refill again a few weeks later. He was ready to call 911 and check me into the hospital to make sure I was okay. I convinced him not too and frankly, the last people I want going to my house is the ambulance and police again. Knowing my luck, there would be that woman with the mustache with the large man hands touching me again. I shudder at the thought. Really, what has the Tree Hill Police come to? You know, I remember Lucas telling me that Peyton used to run red lights all the time and she never got caught. I guess I can understand Peyton's pain. Here I am, a grown women who lost her mom but Peyton was still a child. Was it any wonder that Peyton ran red lights? And she had to lose two mothers. That's a tough break. I can relate. When my dad died all of a sudden, I think I too shocked while my mom warned us of her impending death. But at least when dad wennt I had my mom with me, Nathan, Lucas. I wish Luke and Peyton were here. I could use some advice from Peyton. Talking to her on the phone and exchanging e-mails isn't the same. I don't blame them for not going to the funeral. I understand that Sawyer was sick and they couldn't get away.

I miss them, I miss Karen. I miss Keith. I miss Q. Shoot, I even miss Jake and I haven't seen him since high school. Shoot even an obnoxious over the top remark from Tim would be gold right now. Anything to take away the pain, the darkness, the anger.

I don't want to be angry. I don't have the luxury. I have a person growing inside of me and I don't want him or her to be exposed to this. Now more than ever I realize how life is precious and how it should be cared form protected. I cradle my stomach and I think of my other baby and I thank God Jamie is with Julian. He can't be here right now. He's been through so much death. In the last two years, he lost Q and his grandmother. He didn't need to add his aunt to the list.

I think if there were solace to be found, it would be that my mom isn't alive for this, although I could really use her right now. Parents aren't supposed to out live their children and I can not imagine how that might be, to lose your daughter in front of you. Mom, Dad, if you see Quinn up there, you bring straight back here. It's not her time to join you. Haley, shut up I tell myself. I am acting like Quinn is dead but she isn't. She's still here and she went through surgery fine. Now she just has to wake up.

The waiting part is the hardest. I just want her to wake up, I want her to be okay. I don't want to lose any one else. I take a deep breath and look at Nathan next to me and Brooke across from me. They both look like their in deep thought and I don't blame them.

I guess that's what hospitals do, make you sit back and wait when all you have to do is just be alone with your thoughts. This hospital is all too familiar. I've been here more times than I'd like to count. Nathan, Lucas, Karen, myself, Peyton, we've all done our fair share of time here.

I still remember the night Lucas and I were in the hospital together. That was scary. My best friend had a heart attack after over doing it at the state championship game and seeing my pregnant body on the ground. Three Scott's could've lost their lives that night. Or when Nathan jumped off that bridge to save his Uncle Cooper. I don't think I ever screamed so loud in my life. But Nathan made it and it's all that matters, I can't go there. But my mind already has. It's a scary thought. It's all scary.

Karen nearly lost her life here too when she was pregnant with Lily. But not all memories in this hospital were all bad. Sure my mom's room was three floors above us but I'd rather not think of that now. I mean this was where Jamie was born, where Lily was born, where Sawyer was born so it's not all dark and gloom. Happy things do happen here hard to believe.

There were so many times that I felt like I was losing it all. My mom's death comes to mind or when Nathan was thrown out the glass window. Or when I was chased in corn field with my son from the same skank who dared stepped inside my shower to be with my husband. My naked, body like a greek god husband. Haley calm down. I order myself. I mean I loved our old house but I could never take a shower in there with out cringing. When Nathan suggested to get a new a bigger house, I was all for it.

I think Nathan knew I was still sore about the whole shower-gate as I refer to it now. I reached my breaking point then. I thought Nathan and I turned the corner after his accident. That was such a hard time but after some really tough love and breaking of glass, I was able to get through to Nathan. But then the crazy bitch came along and he disappointed me. But Nathan has always been thick headed, ever since I first met him. But God I love the man, I would say that he's my greatest flaw but at the same time he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I was a no one back in high school. I'll be the first to admit it, I was the biggest nerd and there was a reason Brooke kept calling me tutor girl. Sure Luke was my best friend and I certainly didn't go unnoticed by him but like I said, he's my best friend, of course he knows me. It was just him and me against the world and then Lucas joined the team and then Nathan came in, then Brooke and Peyton and that whole mess. It really was much simpler times back then. But Nathan saw something in me, something I didn't even see myself. Both Lucas and Nathan are alike in more ways than one, they are both quick to say that I've always been special, unique but I didn't feel that way until I met Nathan.

Sure I was just plain old Haley James and I didn't take crap from anyone, including Nathan but I didn't see myself as anything more or less until Nathan came in and I actually started to care what people thought of me. Actually, it was what Nathan thought of me. He loved me for me and didn't want to change me. He gave me my voice. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I could ever sing in public. Even when I was on tour, I imagined that he was there watching me and when the moment came and I realized, like really realized he wasn't there, that's when I lost it and went home. The lights turned on and everyone cheered but the only face I was searching was Nathan. Going on tour this year was a blast because Nathan and Jamie were there. Truth be told that if the only audience I ever get to perform for again comprised of Nathan and Jamie, and we can add in the new one, then I'm fine with that. Plus, my little private concerts with Nathan always end up being.. well. I blush.

The things the man can do to me. In retrospect, I wonder how we managed to go as long as we did before we slept together. I think the fact that he was so respectful, well as respectful as he can be about my boundaries made me want him even more. Even when we got married, he still gave me an out. You kidding me? After months of waiting, more like a life time if you ask me, I laughed and practically ripped his clothes off. That was a great night. Okay, I'm really blushing right now, reliving the night I lost my v-card, twice, thrice. Ok I have to stop now. Nathan will notice my flustered look and he knows the look I have when I think about me and him doing the horizontal mambo. This certainly isn't the time for such thoughts. Although it was a good distraction there.

Sometimes distractions are good. I look at Brooke and at first she was a nice distraction for Luke. Well at first at least. Luke got too emo and scared Peyton away and Brooke came in and taught Lucas to have a little bit of fun. Something Nathan did for me and so when Lucas would question me about Nathan, I find the whole thing ironic. Brooke and Lucas, wow I never saw that coming but at the same time I was rooting for them. Brooke was such a great help for me when Nathan and I were separated. Don't get me wrong, I love Peyton and I'm so happy for her and Luke, but I actually thought that they would end up together.

After Peyton and Luke broke up in college, Lucas went to New York and I know he met up with Brooke. Yet till this day, they didn't tell me what happened. I asked each of them about it before but they mumbled something or the other. Guess that's not too important now. I mean Luke and Peyton are happy and Brooke is engaged to Julian. Julian's a great guy. I don't know him all too well. We've hung out a couple of times but it was always with Brooke but what I know is that he makes Brooke happy and that's all I want for the girl. She deserves to be happy.

She seems preoccupied today thought. I'm used to her bubbly personality and you think with that monster ring she had on her finger that she'd be bursting through the seams. But then I forget that my sister and Clay got shot and yeah, that definitely puts a damper on things. I'm so glad Brooke is here. Come to think of it, we've both been so busy that we didn't spend much time together. Sure we went to Utah together but we went in a big group. Come to think of it, when was the last time it was just Nathan, Brooke and I. I still remember the night the three of us were all together. Actually five of us crammed in Brooke's car. Nathan and Luke fought again and got kicked out of the school bus on an away game. Brooke was injured because of said fight and was hopped up on pain meds and I somehow ended up getting a ride back to Tree Hill from Peyton. I remember that night felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I mean seriously, me, Brooke, Peyton, Nathan and Lucas all in one car for 20 silent miles. I remember the next day, it felt like things went back to _normal_. Brooke and Peyton were on their side and Lucas and I were on the other. I didn't think that the five of us would be hanging out together again but boy I was wrong. We've gone through a lot together and even though things have changed, some things stay the same and I'm glad that I have to be in this miserable hospital that I'm with Nathan and Brooke.

There was one point in my life where I cursed them both, The bane of my existent. Brooke and Nathan were clearly different people back then. Well Nathan was coming around but Brooke was a total d-bag. I knew going to that stupid Dan Scott suckfest would come to bite me and that came in the form of Brooke Davis' big mouth. I was so mad and angry at her, at Nathan and at myself for making myself vulnerable. I remember crying to Lucas on the café floor and I felt even dumber the next night when Brooke sent me and Nathan on a serial date. Granted I had a good time until Nathan ruined it. The next morning certainly made up for it. In some weird way, I guess I owe Brooke for what I have with Nathan. And now with Brooke engaged, I hope she gets her happiness. She deserves it.

We all do. That's why I can't blame Luke for leaving. He missed his mom, shoot I miss his mom. And especially after losing my mom, I'm so glad Lucas is able to spend time with the women in his life. Although, he still often refers to me as his number one girl. I take the title proudly, I'm the number 1 girl with two Scott boys, you can't beat that. God, I threw a fit when Luke told me was leaving. Okay maybe not a fit but a very big pout. But he needed to do what he needed to do for his family. He felt guilty for leaving me, for leaving Nathan and Jamie but he doesn't need to be. I told him before that he'd always be a part of this family. Without Luke, Nathan and I wouldn't have made it through college. Between the babysitting and Lucas coaching Nathan, I didn't think we could make it but we did. Nathan and I owe him a lot.

I know Nathan doesn't show it but I know he misses his brother. Clay was the closest thing he had to a brother ever since Lucas left and to have Clay fighting for his life must be really hard for Nathan. I'm sure this has Nathan thinking of Lucas. Nathan was his best man.. twice. Now as Lucas' best friend, I would normally be offended by that but to be fair, Lindsey made me her maid of honor and Lucas signed me up to be some sort of minister or something. But in all honesty, I was actually quite touched by that, to see how far both of them have come since we were in high school. I thought to myself that even if Nathan and I didn't work out, at least I can say that I brought these two together. Brothers' shouldn't be apart and neither should sisters.'

You hear that Quinn, your ass better be okay!

That reminds me, Taylor better have contacted everyone. She's driving back to Tree Hill as we speak but I don't think she'll get here until tomorrow but I tasked her the assignment of telling the rest of my family. I turned off my phone. As much as I love my family, I can't spend the rest of the day explaining what happened to Quinn. I leave that to Taylor now. She's come a long way since mom died and I'm happy for her. I really am.

I reach underneath the table and graze my hand over Nathan's. With out even looking at me, he takes my hand and gives a gently squeeze. Did I mention how much I love this man? I can tell he's worried for me, for Clay, for Jamie, for our new baby. I want to tell him I'm fine. Well no, I'm not fine but I don't want him to worry about me. He's done so much for me these past couple of weeks. I was so tempted to join him in Charlotte but I couldn't. I needed to make sure I could be okay with out having him there all the time. He'd have practices and away games and I need to get my head straight and focus on me and taking care of Jamie. He's already got a lot on his plate with the upcoming season and that's what he should be looking forward to. That and trying to figure out what color scheme we want the to paint the nursery.

Was it really just twenty four hours ago we were basking in the news of my pregnancy. I can't believe how far that feels. I can't believe how far everything feels and so I grip Nathan's hand tighter. God, I am a mess and I need this man. I need him here with me and screw basketball, I am so happy he's here with me. Without him, I don't know what to do. My back up supporter Lucas is gone so Nathan's my only line of defense. When Nathan was away or when we were having problems I always had Luke to turn to. Likewise, when Lucas had to take care of Peyton and Sawyer and he moved, I always had Nathan. Not having them both in my lives is not a possibility. I guess that's why I was writing to Lucas earlier, to tell him I missed him. I know I can call him and stuff like I do with Peyton but he's a writer, I know he appreciates this kind of things. I mean long before text messages came out, we were leaving each other little post-it's in each other's lockers.

There was one time when I thought I almost lost them both. The first time I really felt alone, the only other time being when my mother died. I remember it so well. Nathan and I had our first major blow out and it just so happened to coincide with one of my biggest fight with Lucas. Come to think of it, I think that may have been the first real fight we ever had. I just found out that Lucas cheated on Brooke with Peyton and I learned that Nathan only came to me to mess with Lucas. Talk about drama and to top it all off, Lucas gets into a car crash. Didn't I mention how unsafe the streets of Tree Hill have turned to?

But Nathan, he surprised me. Again. Not only did he visit Luke but he was there when he woke up. Later on, I'd tease Nathan that the only reason Luke woke up was because he was there. He'd shrug it off of course but the fact that he did that for me was pretty damn sweet but I was still mad at him. But then he said something, something I'll never forget. Something that would only come out of Nathan Scott's mouth.

Look I know that it was wrong to go after you for the reasons that I did. I can't apologize for it. I'm glad I did it. I'm not that person anymore. It's because of you.

Nathan told me that the moment he fell in love with me was after he took drugs and collapsed on the court, just only a few days after we had our ill fated first date which was followed by the kiss the changed my world. I'm sure Nathan didn't fully realize it at the time, I mean I felt the same way. Leading up to Lucas' accident, I know I was falling for Nathan, like really falling for him. I don't know the moment I fell in love with Nathan. I can tell you for sure when I didn't love him but to this day I can't remember the exact moment like Nathan does. I'm actually quite jealous of that but then again maybe I've always been in love with him, the moment he slipped that cracker jack bracelet on my wrist or when he pleaded with me to keep on tutoring him inside Peyton's car. Either way, when he came into the café and told me where he'd gone to see Lucas and that he wouldn't apologize for going after me, that's when I realized. That was the moment I realized I had already fallen in love with Nathan.

You see I love Nathan and many people say he's changed over the years. And yes he has of course, but I love _Nathan_. Not just the jock or basketball star Nathan but Nathan Royal Scott, lousy student, impatient, sweet, caring, handsome as sin, cocky, arrogant. He's all those things so leave it to him to not apologize for something that was clearly wrong of him to do because it lead him to me. I did ruin his plans for Lucas though. I smirk at that. Falling in love was never part of his plan, nor was getting married after a few months of dating or being a father by graduation.

Even at his worst, I still loved him. I may have used the D word on him before but I still loved him, I just worried that he didn't love me. I know that may sound stupid to some but a girl can have doubts, just like how that dumb bitch Renee raised mine. We're not perfect and with Nathan, I don't need to be perfect and he doesn't need to be either. We love each other, it's as simple and complicated and heartbreaking and wonderful as that.

So I guess in this dark time, I'll focus on that, focus on our love and our life. The son we have and the new addition that's to come. I'll focus everything I have into our love and our family because the anger and heart ache I'm feeling now is definitely testing my limits. And right now, in this busy cafeteria, I don't know which one is winning because my mind keeps drifting to both and I'm feeling.. numb.

"So I got arrested today." Brooke randomly announced.

"What?" I reply. Of course, Clay and Quinn get shot but yet the only person they arrested today was Brooke. God, what has this world come to?

And she goes on tell us about her problems with the companies and congratulating us on the new baby and then she mentions Jamie and once again I'm back and forth between the happiness and the sadness. I bring up Jamie and Quinn's treasure hunt and silence envelopes the three of us again.

I reach under the table and reach for Nathan's hand and he squeezes my hand gently again. A sign that he loves me, that he's there for me.

And what he doesn't know, or maybe what he doesn't realize is that I am better. That in the wake of my mom's death that Nathan was there to remind me of all the good that is in my life. And I'm using his strength right now to keep it together and even though he's there for me right now. I squeeze his hand to let him know that I'm also there for him. And suddenly, I don't feel so numb.

I know things suck right now but we will get our _happily ever after_. Always and forever right?

The End.


End file.
